The Third Trimester
I can’t believe that as I am writing this I have just turned 40 weeks of being pregnant. It has been such a learning curve and emotional journey, something which I am so proud of and I can’t believe it is soon coming to an end. After I wrote my first trimester post I was planning on doing a post for the second trimester, however I’ll be honest it was pretty un-eventful. Most of my symptoms had passed and other than the occasional back/hip pain and consuming my body weight in tinned peaches, I didn’t really ‘think’ about being pregnant most of the time.
Just when we turned 30 weeks, on 11th March I was taken into hospital due to chest pain and heart palpitations. It was a really scary time not only because of my medical anxiety and pregnancy fears but because my dad had also suffered with chest pain shortly before he passed away. We spent over 8 hours in A&E after which we were moved to the maternity ward. Once on this ward the staff were so amazing and supportive in looking after me. I had many tests which really pushed me to the limit when it came to my medical phobia. All the test have come back clear, and I have been going back and forth for the last month with still no outcome as to what is causing these pains. I have been advised to have some testing done once Baby L is here however, the doctors seem to think that any issues I am having will go away after birth. This hospital stay was a huge triumph for me and was a great way to put all my breathing and hypnobirthing style techniques into practice. By the end of the stay I was able to have blood tests on my own without having a meltdown before or after. I had slept in the hospital on my own multiple times and really felt like my medical phobia had been conquered.
Negative Thoughts
I did however have some moments when negative thoughts came into my head during this time. One of the themes/worries from my therapy sessions was that I had a fear that medical staff would prioritise the baby’s heath over mine. That I would just be seen as a ‘carrier’ and that I would lose my self worth and identity during pregnancy and birth. I had been working on these thoughts a lot over the first and second trimester and most of them had subsided. However once I posted on my IG story about what had been happening, some responses brought all these feelings back. The common reply of ‘oh well at least the baby is fine’ .. ‘I’m glad the baby is okay though’ just brought up all these previous feelings. I felt like just because the baby was fine that my health didn’t matter, that I should be grateful that the baby was fine even though I was having really worrying symptoms. I worked through these during therapy after I left hospital, and I know no malice was intended with these messages. I thought it was just something to bring up as I’m sure I am not the only one who has felt this way during pregnancy.
The Baby Shower
I spoke a bit a bout my baby shower in my slice of life post from April, and this was a huge emotional step for me in my pregnancy journey. I have spoke somewhat about my antenatal therapy in my older posts and if I feel ready I may make a dedicated post about this, but the baby shower was one of the huge hurdles I wanted to overcome. As much as I had a lovely time and was proud of myself for going ahead with it, I still felt a huge relief once it was over and done with. I was so burnt out by the time the shower was over after months and months of people pleasing and saying yes to everything. I was so happy to just get home and plan to hermit until Baby L is here. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I have never been so happy to see my calendar pretty much empty for the remainder of the year. To put it in perspective, last year I had less that 5 Saturdays ‘free’ where I did nothing. No wonder I was burnt out!
Reflecting on the last 3 months
I have also suffered with a few general third trimester symptoms. Hip and back pain most notably. We also went for additional growth scans but this is pretty normal when I had been speaking to people on the Peanut app at a similar stage to me. I feel like the hardest part of pregnancy has been the emotional journey I have been on. The physical side of things hasn’t phased me too much, but the toll on my mental health has been a heavy one.
I finished my therapy sessions a few weeks ago and put together my birth plan. I also got the chance to do an emotional birth plan explaining my fears and phobias. I highly recommend anyone in a similar position to me to set one of these up. It explains any triggers, coping mechanisms and also signs they can look out for if I may have a panic attack.
After this was all done, the last few weeks of pregnancy have been really lovely. I have this overwhelming excited feeling now and I am just can’t wait to meet Baby L. I am enjoying my maternity leave, spending my days really slow with self care, lots of TV and snacks. Our bags are packed, the carseat ready, here’s to the next chapter!