The First Trimester
The first trimester! An emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Add into that a cocktail of symptoms and side effects and I pretty much felt like it had been the longest 3 months of my life.
All the emotions
The hardest part of this first trimester was all the emotions and dealing with those ‘in secret’. Before we felt comfortable to tell friends and family I only had myself to really talk to, and we all know how bad that can be for our mental health. I could write a whole post just about the first month’s emotions let alone the whole first trimester, but in short I found these first few months very challenging.
The best thing I did was talk about these feelings with my midwife and therapist. Taking to others made me realise I was not alone in how I was feeling and it was in fact completely normal. It also helped me acknowledge these feelings and be honest with myself about what was going round in my head.
Feeling Alone
One thing which emotionally got to me the most, was dealing with all the above and still being before the ‘right time’ to tell others, as we wanted to wait for the first scan before we told friends and family. Those first weeks was the most lonely I had ever felt, especially feeling so physically unwell too and trying to hide it. It would have been much easier looking back to have told maybe one or two people sooner so I had someone to discuss my feelings and ailments with. As soon as we were able to be open with others it made the whole process so much easier.
I also downloaded an app called Peanut. (disclaimer, you do have to take some of these posts with a pinch of salt) But overall it was a really good space to meet people. The first time I messaged someone on there and they replied saying they felt exactly the same I was so reassured. Sometimes all it takes is one message from someone to say ‘I feel like this too’ to make you much more settled and feel less alone. No matter how many times google told me this was normal, to have an actual human being saying that they felt the same made all the difference.
It was nice to also start talking on the forums about upcoming appointments and anxieties that would come with these. I could prepare myself for the tests and questions that would be asked. I also used the NHS and Pampers websites to look at the upcoming symptoms for the coming weeks to know what I might be feeling.
Sickness
And then came the physical symptoms; nosebleeds, sickness, nausea, dizzy spells, constant thirst, lack of appetite to name a few. From around week 7 found the nausea the hardest to deal with. I really struggled with smells, for example coming downstairs to the kitchen in the morning if we had been cooking a strong meal the night before. I could barely eat breakfast and all I wanted to eat all day was ice lollies and strawberries. I never actually was sick, but sometimes I wish I could be as I felt it would have given me some kind of release. Certain clothes made me feel more sick, textures, noises. I became so hyper sensitive to everything and once I started heaving there was no stopping me! To the point where my eyes were watering and I would get such bad muscle ache. This has slowly subsided now into the second trimester, however I still struggle eating breakfast and evening meals I have no appetite for.
The Joy Of Telling Others
Hoorah! As soon as the first scan was done, it really did feel like it had all been worthwhile. It really made everything have purpose and that despite my constant heaving and crying I had managed to make a safe home for Baby L. They were there on the screen, growing and perfectly happy. I did expect a rush of positive ‘over the top’ excited emotion at this first scan however, the main feeling I had was relief and peace. I felt so calm looking at the screen and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I had done a great job so far and started to feel excited for the coming months.